Doing some of the math:
20 years together
14 years of marriage
18 records of employment that year alone and
3 years of tax receipts to qualify for said mortgage.
7 years to pay off that mortgage.
3 miscreants committed to violence every time they are within
6 feet of each other.
1 broken leg, broken in
3 different places. Not mine. Changed my life in EVERY way.
1 emergency trip in an ambulance to discover
1 peanut allergy, the hard way.
1 black eye leading to
2 policemen at the door and
1 child services visit and
0 apologies for the bogus accusation. Fuckers.
1 shopping cart flipping upside-down at the WalMart, with the
2-year old in it.
1 kid lost at the flea market for a
10 scary seconds.
1 more kid lost at a downtown parade for the
10 scariest minutes of our lives.
5875 km or
3619.5 miles driving like a bat out of hell to NorCal & back.
$790.00 CDN in gas to do it. Not bad at all.
5 peeps still in the van,
0 body bags used on this trip.
And here we are. Older than at the beginning, a little less hair and a few extra pounds. Wiser and much more tainted from battle scars and open flesh wounds. A lot more sleep deprived, a bit less spontaneous, but truly stronger than ever.
What's the secret, we're often asked...
Well, I'm gonna tell you.
It's not IF, but WHEN you fuck up, go eat. In my house, there are only 2 reasons in which either one of us will get angry. Either I'm acting like a fucking jackass, or someone is a little hungry and I'm acting like a fucking jackass. Go eat. Preferably bacon or something with bacon in it or just bacon. Works every time. And don't ever forget the coffee. She loves coffee. I never touch the stuff.
On August 29, 1998, I was blessed to have had the opportunity to sucker another human being into thinking I was non-psychotic enough to marry me and all my multiple online personalities. Fuck, I even bet half of all my shit she wouldn't hate me in the next 25 years. But then again, I also bet $20K Facebook shares would also trade up after the IPO, so I'm assuming waking up next to the horse's head one day isn't out of the question yet.
Over the years, we have been through immense highs and soul-crushing lows and a whole lot of bacon. And through it all, we are still here. Still standing. Still laughing. Still eating bacon.
And still in love.
Happy Anniversary, hunny.